Jenny - Victim Impact Statement about a young woman killed due to a hit and run crime.

Victim Impact Statement

Family Victims                     Alan Guy (husband)
                                          Thomas and Ashley Guy (children)
                                          Barry and Val Guy (parents-in-law)
                                          Ken (now deceased) and Beryl Russell (parents)

Victim                                Jennifer (Jenny) Guy

Offender                             Steven Xuereb

Charge to which this Statement Relates:
Dangerous driving occasioning death (drive manner dangerous)

Sentencing Court                 District Court East Maitland

Sentencing Date                    Monday 8th May 2006

Details of Impact of Death

In attempting to prepare this victims’ impact statement it has been necessary for us to carefully consider how we have been affected by Jenny’s death – at the time of the incident and every day since the incident; on an individual basis and collectively; what we have done to help us cope with her loss; how we have managed to cope with the specific nature of her death; the lasting impact of her premature death; how we constructively rebuild so many aspects of our lives individually and collectively to adjust to our deep loss of her presence. Here we attempt to convey those various complex impacts we continue to endure every day.

Our purpose here is not to seek retribution through an “eye-for-an-eye” type of retribution; but to simply assist the court to understand how every element of Jenny’s death has had an enormous and enduring impact on us; from the incident itself, the circumstances surrounding the incident, the early days of our suffering the trauma of her death, the legal process that has involved us as her family until this day when we continue to struggle under the impact of her death.

In endeavouring to cope and rebuild our lives that were so obviously shattered by the incident and Jenny’s death it has been necessary for each of us to draw upon the close assistance of other family members, extended family, friends, colleagues, doctors and others to constructively put the incident, Jenny’s death and the day-to-day effect of her premature death into perspective.

However, the overriding impact of Jenny’s death has been enormously destructive on each of us – spiritually, emotionally and physically because of a number of critical aspects about the incident, her actual death and the afflux of time to this date. Here we outline the elements that have and continue to deepen the impact upon us making them enormously difficult to resolve. Ideally we seek redeeming factors that are so absent here.

I and my family are continually tormented by the effects of the incident which has left us with feelings of hopelessness and despair knowing that Jenny’s death was avoidable. It has been extremely difficult for me to explain the circumstances of her death to the children in a loving and caring way and it aggravates my sense of parenting when to me the issue of the incident is senseless. It has been painful to me to be constructive about our loss and avoid bitterness and needless added emotional agony. Here and with all the will in the world I and my family cannot apply such constructive thinking to resolve the impact on us.

Jenny and I had been going together since we were 18. We were married at 21 and had been happily married for 17 years until her untimely death. We have two children; Thomas aged 14 and Ashley11. We were a family who lived our lives as a family and Jenny played such an important role in our family as a loving and caring wife, a loving and nurturing mother who played her role in a selfless and responsible way. She was so proud of her family and we were so proud of her. We realised that we were so lucky to have a wife and mum as Jenny and her loss is has caused us indescribable pain.

I expected to live my entire life with Jenny, we loved each other so, and we were truly soul mates. Now every day and every night I cannot escape the fact and grief that my happy, caring and loving wife and mother of our children is gone. The impact of her death on our family is profound. She was the family carer and leader and I have felt less than adequate in trying somehow to fill her role and the functions that she did. I feel I cannot do it, I feel inadequate, things just do not work as they used to and each day is a struggle to help my children and family to cope with her death and the many consequences of it.

Jenny was best described as a selfless, well adjusted person who was always available to others, besides her immediate family and played a significant role in caring for her aging parents. She had a sense of responsibility to them as an only daughter, such was her nature. Her loss had an enormous impact on their lives apart from the enormous emotional impact of that of a parent losing a child, and as a consequence of the incident her care, help and understanding is no longer available to them.

As a mother in a caring family life Jenny believed in discipline. This is reflected in our children and in the way they conduct themselves in the community and school environment. I find it hard to adjust to and accept that these values that were so strong in Jenny will be no longer available from her during this tender age of my children’s development.

Jenny was a great contributor to our family’s resources and she would make things rather than buy them. She loved cooking for us and made us our favourite cakes and biscuits. We are now deprived of these simple things. Thomas and Ashley often say “I wish mum was here” which just adds to our distress.

Just prior to the incident there was great excitement in our family. We were all preparing to give Jenny a 40th birthday on 23rd July. It was special because it was to be her first birthday party where all her friends would be invited. She was so excited and this added to our excitement. By the 5th July the invitations had been prepared. We had started buying the non perishables and decorations and Thomas and Ashley had each started making a special birthday card for her. They had marked Jenny’s birthday on the calendar and with great excitement and expectation had started crossing off the days. They were so exited that she was to have a special birthday party. Needless to say Jenny’s death devastated our family and the fact that Jenny never lived to enjoy and feel the excitement of her family on that special day added to our emotional stress and devastation. Sadly Thomas and Ashley continued to mark the days off the calendar finding it hard to accept what had happened.

On the 6th July Jenny brought my lunch to work as she did most days and stayed with me during lunch hour. It was school holidays, Thomas was staying with Jenny’s mother and father in Raymond Terrace and Ashley had been dropped off to play with her friend in East Maitland.

After finishing lunch with me Jenny said she was going home to have a rest before picking Ashley up at 4 pm. Little did I know when she drove off that that would be the last time I would see her alive. If only she had stayed for one more minute, if only - there have been thousands of “if only” thoughts.

I had the radio on in the workshop after lunch and heard that there had been a fatal hit-run smash in East Maitland where a 41year old woman had been killed. It crossed my mind with some relief that that could not be Jenny as she was only 39.

Later on in the day I received a call from my brother who asked me to call into the office at Melbourne Street East Maitland on my way home. When I walked in I sensed something was wrong as my father and two police officers were there. I cannot find the words (if there are any) to explain the devastation and mixture of feelings that I felt when I was told of Jenny’s death. They seemed to rush at me and change every second, the non belief, then the reality, The latter being confirmed by my crying father and his words of comfort and support. Then the anger again and the questions, why has this happened to Jenny? My mind did not want to believe this, I was confused and numb. My life was shattered. My thoughts went to the kids and to the rest of the immediate family, they must be told as soon as possible. I suddenly realised that it was after 4pm and Ashley would be worried by not getting picked up. Jenny was never late particularly where the children were concerned. I wanted to tell the children myself.

 My father drove me to pick up Ashley. When we arrived Ashley immediately wanted to know “Where’s Mum?” I had to tell her that Mum couldn’t come as something terrible had happened. She kept on saying “I want my Mum, I want my Mum.” When I told her that Mum could not come as she had gone to heaven, she started crying hysterically and screaming “I want my Mum.” She wanted to know why couldn’t Mum have just been injured and gone to hospital and come back when she was better. It was a tremendous impact on a little girl. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it broke my heart. But, later as all the incident’s circumstances would unfold, it only got harder.

As my mother had already been told we proceeded to Raymond Terrace to tell Thomas and Jenny’s mother and father. Thomas’s reaction was one of silence and Jenny’s parents and brothers one of disbelief but when the impact of what I had said sunk in, everybody was crying and asking themselves “why?”

As Jenny was the only daughter and being caring and devoted as was her nature, she did everything for them. Both of them were having health problems and Jenny would run them to and from doctors and hospital whenever required. Jenny’s death caused considerable hardship to them when Jenny was no longer there to give this care. Both were devastated at the tragic and untimely death of their daughter. Her father never got over the loss and lost his will to live when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He passed away on 22nd January adding to the family’s great sadness.

Personally it was important for me to know everything about the incident; how it happened, where Jenny’s personal effects were, whether she suffered or not. I desperately wanted to see her but could not as the body had not been positively identified. I was advised they wanted to identify the body by her dental records. I understood what that meant. Knowing how massive the impact of the collision was has haunted me causing me much pain and emotional stress as I now guessed her facial features were severely damaged.

I wanted to visit the incident scene which is just around the corner from our home. I was able to when the scene had been cleared and cleaned up. No cars were allowed so I walked to the scene with Thomas Ashley and my parents. The children wanted to be involved also. On the way Ashley looked up at the now night sky and wanted to know if “that bright star was mum.” I comforted her and confirmed that Mum was now in heaven.

It constantly haunts me that at the time of the incident and Jenny’s death I was not there to comfort her or say last goodbyes; to at least be sure she was not alone. The impact of the effects of the incident has traumatised me and I am sure my whole family.

For the next week or so, Thomas, Ashley and I stopped at my mother and father’s house. I will never forget that first night. The children did not want to sleep alone they wanted to be with me in my bed. There was not much sleep that night and for a number of nights there after. I continue have sleeping problems and lie awake many nights.

We all cried ourselves to periodic sleeps that night. Ashley kept waking up saying she was frightened and scared and wanted Mum. Thomas cried but remained unusually quite. My mother and father didn’t sleep much that night either. Everyone was devastated and emotionally affected by this tragic loss.

My parents, cancelled their planned outback trip to give Thomas, Ashley and me the support that was so much needed at this traumatic time. My father organised the funeral and service and helped me in the decisions that had to be made. I was not capable of organising everything myself as I was still in a state of shock, numbness and confusion.

I finally received advice that Jenny’s body could be released and I wanted to see Jenny as soon as the undertaker could prepare her for viewing. I needed to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her. How my broken heart ached. The children left with her the birthday cards they had made for her 40th birthday and mementos which were dear to Jenny. After all the effort, particularly from my mother to prepare them for such an occasion, they were greatly upset by this event.

After the funeral and the visitation of friends finally started to become less, I had more time to think about the specific circumstances and consider how best to come to terms with this enormous tragedy. I realised that my life, had changed forever, not only my life but also those of the children. I had got to face the world without the love and care of my devoted wife and the children without their mother’s care, guidance, protection and love, a love that can never be replaced – a totally unconditional love which is so precious today. As time went by I also realised that the lives of my mother, father and Jenny’s mum had also changed forever.

I have realised that we are all privileged to have had Jenny for the short time we had her. I tell my children when we miss Jenny that we are lucky – lucky that she was so beautiful and that we are able to miss her so much. But this also highlights the impact of our loss.

Eventually I knew it was time, together with my children, to move back home. I wanted to care and look after them as Jenny would want me to. I did not realise just how big a task this was. The shopping, cleaning, getting the children ready for school, preparing the school lunches, taking Ashley to and picking her up from school, the homework, preparing the meals, doing the shopping, paying the bills, the washing and ironing, preparing for significant occasions - all things Jenny had done. My mother helps by doing (and still does) all the washing and ironing and of cause  many other things. I found I had to change my work hours to enable me to take Ashley to school and pick her up.

This work load and the responsibility of being a sole parent soon started to affect me. I started to feel I could not cope but at the same time wanted to. I did not want to accept help and wanted to be independent. I lost focus on my job, although I was responsible, I had this new strange feeling that I didn’t care anymore. I could feel myself withdrawing and getting angry and frustrated. I could not sleep at night and found it hard to cope (and still do) with the loneliness. I have no Jenny to be with me and in our bed at night to enjoy the warmth of her body beside me and enjoy our physical and intimate relationship. I no longer can enjoy our long and meaningful talks that we both enjoyed immensely, and enjoy together the plans we had made for the future. One of which was a special holiday in Queensland in September together with our children to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. Nobody to talk to or discuss things (although untrue it was how I felt).I had thoughts of wanting to end my own life and this frightened me and I knew that I needed help.

I went to see my doctor who prescribed medication (see attached medical report) to help with my grief and sleep at night. I had visited VOCAL INC. NSW (victims support group) and arranged counselling help for me and the children from MAKE THE DAY COUNT.

I tried many things to lessen the emotional impact – I even took time off work to be alone and think about myself. But it did not matter what I did, I could not subdue the terrible ache and sorrow I felt. The impact on me deepened as I realised so many other aspects of life my children and I would miss out on and things the children will not have the joy of experiencing with their beloved mother – their first school dances; their first dates; picking Ashley’s first “grown-up” dress; Thomas’ major sporting events…

I found I was now the sole parent that had to attend the various school functions alone to support my children. This role, particularly primary school, was generally carried out by Jenny, as was the case with other mothers. It saddened me and my children which added to our grief that my children had no mother to support them at such functions.

I struggled with my feelings and put on my best face when others were around. I tried to re-kindle my hobbies of photography and fishing but found the enjoyment was no longer there because Jenny had been so much a part of these activities. Like everything in my life until the incident, Jenny participated in some way. The pain I felt seemed to be overcoming me. And when I’d reflect upon the circumstances leading up to the incident, the incident itself and the circumstances following the incident I could not find one element that could help console me – instead I still only found elements that deepened the impact on me.

The constant ordeal of the legal system has had many new impacts on my family. Each legal process we have struggled to comprehend, which has only added to the impact because it became so drawn out, although however I am mindful of and do understand the importance of our system and its processes. It continued to deepen the impact. I found it hard to rebuild and mentally move forward with the legal proceedings always hovering in the back ground. It seemed it was always being deferred and stayed in my mind as an event that had to be faced up to before I could put that chapter in our recovery behind us.

Christmas was approaching. I had to think about the presents and the presents we gave to the relatives. Although I helped her that was always Jenny’s chosen task, she would always ensure that she involve the children also. She had a very special love of Christmas from both a spiritual and festive perspective; so much so we often laughed about how she always had the Christmas tree decorated by early November. I kept discovering the many things I now had to do without Jenny – her loving participation as well as her physical contribution. This was to become a particularly depressing period for me as it highlighted the full impact of our loss.

Everybody was making a special effort to make Christmas as happy as possible, especially my mother and father. They had organised for the children and me to stay with them over Christmas. On the last day of work before Christmas, that being a Friday, I tried to enter the spirit of the occasion by going out with fellow workers after the end of year office break-up party but as hard as I tried, I could not find the happiness that people enjoyed. It seemed the happier everyone was getting the sadder I was becoming. I wanted time to myself so I decided to go home to my place to just be alone.

The neighbours were having a party in their back yard and invited me to join them. As Jenny and I had spent many happy times with them over the years, decorating our houses and enjoying the occasion of everyone coming by to see our Christmas decorations, I decided to join them. The more we talked about those times the sadder and more depressed I was becoming. When I could stand it no longer I went home and felt that the only way out was to end it all. The feeling was so over powering I had no thoughts at that time for anyone else or the consequences, so I mixed up a cocktail of alcohol and tablets and went out to have one last drink. As I hung over the fence my neighbours wanted to know what I was drinking. I can’t remember much after that. The next thing I knew was waking up in Maitland Hospital on Christmas Eve. It was the worst Christmas I had ever had.

I am still finding it hard to sleep at night, cope with my job and commitments. I am still on medication and receiving counselling. Ashley still wakes up at night wanting Mum and still often comes into my bed saying she is scared. Thomas has his moments of sadness. He rarely talks about it preferring to blank it out and try to move on. The impact of the incident and Jenny’s death is made more complex by the children’s ages – tender and important development times in their lives.

It has been very difficult for the family to cope on the special occasions such as birthdays, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, Easter and no doubt Mothers Day that is still to be faced. These were once happy family occasions and the fact that Jenny is no longer here with us to enjoy them only saddens us and adds to our grief. Such occasions are felt by all our family and as an example I attach a special message from Ashley to her mother that she produced at Easter that supports this sadness and grief.

As I struggle to find a positive from this terrible tragedy, sadly, we are continually tormented by the fact that this tragedy, which has devastated our lives, was an avoidable incident.

Attachments                        
  i) Photo of Jennifer Guy                                                     
 ii) Medical report Dr Yvonne Bailey
iii) A message from Ashley to her mother that was made by her unprovoked and unaided at Easter time